If you have 20% paying in full, you’re not charging enough
About his paid monthly program, if more 20% of his customer pay in full for the whole year, it means it’s cheap
It’s a distinction I had difficulty with and other still do.
At my coworking place, a coworker started to talk about morning routine and then drift on the topic of meditation. I told him that the paradox of meditation is that you shouldn’t expect anything from it.
He told me:
- That sounds religious to me
Religions are based on spirituality
To me spirituality is experienced alone based on what you personally think or feel and religion are experienced in group based on the practices set by the group. The goal of the religion is to help other to attain spirituality too, but in group.
Spirituality is common sense
Just like philosophy, spirituality is common sense applied universally. One implies the existence of a universal truth, the other implies the existence of a god/universe that defines the reality we live in (the truth we live in). I see them both as two different side of the same coin. Two different angle to get the same result like two archer standing side to side trying hit the same target.
What’s your truth?
We did agree on the weird way that religion see god as the one to judge us. And then he told me on how he viewed life: like Matrix. In the sense that we are in a game but we truly are outside the TV playing that game. We just don’t know it yet.
That’s interesting because there is a similar idea in philosophy with Plato’s cavern allegory and in spirituality with being awaken.
Religion for me is a tool, as much as philosophy or spirituality, but that tool is based on other people truth coming together. Whereas in philosophy or spirituality it is all about finding that truth within what you think is personally right. No philosopher imposed their truth on you. They exposes it and it’s up to you to believe it or not.
Same goes for spirituality as it is a personal journey.
Unfortunately, when you put people that are imperfect, imbalanced by definition and make them transmit the same knowledge, their own bias come to hit us.
Go and learn your own truth, don’t let someone tell you what it is. His.er agenda is often unknown from you and often they don’t truly own their agenda.
- Finished my work for the day and still manage to have a conversation
- Often started the conversation from his truth (and often scratching everything I was saying to start from his side)
- Used a lot of analogy of real world experience we “all” have (love and sport)
- Be less excited to get him to start meditating (being too eager can push people away)
- Tell him to come back to me if he has more questions (not trying to answer to them all)
- Express my truth without justifying it when he express his opinion, but ask him what is the underlying question under his statement (otherwise it seems like I’m defending myself)
I took the last train around 00:30 and slept through half the ride. I woke up and the guy next to me was watching gay porn. Sure thing, I couldn’t sleep again. I made sure he saw I was awake by moving my head to look around. But he didn’t care, he kept watching and it was still gay dudes…
He never looked at me or anything, so it was not a strategy of sort.
But damn people! Don’t watch your porn in public places!
So nasty that I have to give it to him:
Sir you have my upmost disgust and respect. Well done! 👏🏾
Bring controlled rage to your industry
More than 5 years ago, I started one of my first 30 day challenge that was about stop apologising. It was so hard I was sweating the first days. I was proud of this story and tell it to my friend who told me:
- “Oh yeah, I can totally see you apologising often”.
I’ve known her for 2 years… Shit! I thought it was a resolved matter, but no, it still appears as a character trait. But hey, fuck it, there are more important things to deal with.
I’m watching a Youtube video on the 10 weird rule of someone of the UK royal family. I didn’t watch the actual wedding but the life of royals still fascinates me. In that video they says that royals never say “sorry”. And a trigger comes to me instantaneously:
- If they don’t say “sorry”, they must still acknowledge their wrongdoing in a royal way…
The first fictional example that pops into my head was the queen who bump into someone and say:
- “Oh I didn’t see you there”
And I was like: “Genius!”.
Acknowledgement without apology, that’s big. You still notice their presence and the situation without giving away your power by saying “sorry”.
I keep watching the video and my day goes by.
I’m now heading to work and I end up saying sorry to someone who actually bumped into me. And the first thing I thought of is:
- What could I say instead of “sorry”?
The day went by and I did this all day.
So first of all, I got externally triggered by this video and second of all I noticed how much “sorry, not sorry” I was during the day.
The 30 days challenge was too difficult for me. I decided to remove something without replacing it. It worked for a while but obviously 5 years later, it came back as I had nothing to keep it in check.
Now that I have found out that I can acknowledge the mistake without actually saying sorry, I can now keep it in check longer I guess. We’ll see.
- I noticed I still need to work on my tendency to apologise (not that I shouldn’t do it ever. I just do it too often and have to reduce the amount of apology to make it count)
- When my friend told me that I was still apologising a lot, I didn’t get mad or ignore it. I acknowledge it instead
- I didn’t put pressure on myself to fix it and naturally, this powerful conscious that we all have, decided to do the work for me
- Ride the wave of my subconscious and add consciously a internal trigger to ensure this was not a one day thing
- Acknowledge it verbally and not just physically (this will help me to get out of my head more)
- When someone else bumps into me, I often acknowledge it physically with a look and a nod that is for me a “sorry” but can be also taken as “I’m okay”. I should stop this behaviour and call out THEIR behaviour nicely like: “Careful :-)”. I would still acknowledge it but not take it for me.
Running your business based on other people businesses is the quickest way to lose
Somewhere in my writing you’ll find a recurring theme that I called the “social mirror”. I thought it was an integrated theme in my daily life but I proved myself wrong once again.
I am in a self help workshop about Lise Bourbeau’s book: EGO – The Greatest Obstacle to Healing the 5 Wounds (🇫🇷FR: Les 5 blessures de l’âme). I heard about this book a lot but never was I truly interested. So if someone can give me a summary in 2 hours in a form of a workshop: I’m in!
Learn something new
The workshop is well prepared as it’s not only about the book but also from another author who built a personality quizz based on the book. So we get straight to the point and we are able to define our main wounds without any knowledge of the book.
I end up being a swan. Someone who has been wounded by injustice when he was younger.
Now they go on explaining each wound. I feel like all of them are common without any striking more than the other. The swan feels just about the same.
Much like horoscope, you feel like anything can apply to you. So I kind of put all of this theory on the side. It’s still interesting content though.
Tell me how it apply to you
The session is now finished.
The (older) woman sitting next to me ask me for my contact details before leaving. I have no idea what I said, especially because she didn’t ask anyone else for their details as far as I know. That moment is interesting in itself: I’ll have to dive more into it.
As usual we start discussing about the workshop with two other people. One of them is a swan. So I get curious and ask her:
- Can you tell me how the swan-type is resonating with you?
Her story about how she felt injustice from her parents was resonating with me and still is. The whole purpose of this workshop had changed after its ending.
The end is never the one defined by others. That’s why I always stay to “network” in meetups.
And learning from others is much more important when they don’t seem to be like you. Search for the similarities in your difference to learn more about yourself.
- Kept interested even though it didn’t work for me
- Took only the necessary sheets of paper (people like to print way too much)
- Exchanged my phone number for being who I am
- When asking the question, if I see a little apprehension, I will explain why I ask
- Watch a little bit more instead of commenting behaviors just to get a laugh
- Look around from time to time and include more people in the conversation if anyone is alone
Animals do not have meds, but they have something more powerful: rest.
I’m going to talk about why I didn’t post for the past 2 days. On Friday morning, I woke up with a sore throat and my energy was really low. I still had to go to work as it was the last day of this one week assignment.
The same day at night, everything was worst. Not horrible, but not better than after waking up. So I decided to use the most powerful meds ever: rest.
That week, I slept an average of 5 hours with no proper meditation (always in the public transportation), so I had to catch up my usual 7 hours sleep. It’s very important for my body (consciously, I don’t care how long I sleep) to get those 7 hours otherwise I drain energy on other areas.
I would normally work, do the dishes, do sport, all the classic activities we do everyday but this time I wouldn’t. The only activities I allowed myself was watching Youtube videos (no Netflix) and go out to take the picture of the day in nature! If it wasn’t in nature, I wouldn’t have done it.
No doctor and no actual meds and I’m back on track to rock my day as usual. So many of us (in France apparently) keep going to work or other appointments when they’re still recovering. This is nonsense: give yourself another full day rest to rock the next day instead of blowing your nose 5 days after your supposed recovery.
- I listened to my body early
- I reduced activities (but don’t be too strict)
- I didn’t feel bad to miss a family dinner, especially now that I feel fine
- Sleep earlier during the week (at least 3 days I could have slept right after going home, but I went on watching Youtube)
- Take care of myself with some easy tradeoffs: tea or listening to music (instead of only Youtube and meditation)
- Take the time to plan the week at that moment
You have to find a way to make technology your teammate, not your rival
Talking to diffuse a public argument between people I don’t know is definitely not my style, but…
I have my eyes closed and I’m meditating in the train. I hear a woman talk loud enough to hear everything she says:
- It’s mind blowing how many people with their smartphones. We are in public transportation and they don’t see when someone wants to sit in. I have to wait so long before they notice. People with smartphones are like autistic people.
She says it right in front of the guy who actually did that but without talking directly to him. To her defense, it started quite normal, but that “autistic” part was just out of place. So the guy replies:
- Who do you call “autistic”? I won’t let you insult me.
Triggered and engaged
So at that moment, they go on repeating themselves. On her side, she keeps on saying it’s an “autistic” behavior from people in “public transportation” who lack awareness. On the other hand, he keeps on telling her to mind her own business, to stop disrespecting and to leave it at that.
Unfortunately, the guy should have stopped. You know, when you hear someone crazy talking to you, you just ignore them, but here, I don’t know if she was crazy, but she started very low key and drive him to respond to a behavior that now looks kind of crazy. Now it’s too late, he’s into it and he’s not going to stop and she feed off of it from the start.
Not only that, but she also increase her voice and she next to shouting. Now this is very disturbing as I can’t focus on my meditation and they keep repeating the same thing.
So I don’t know what happened, but I open my eyes to see where she sits (the furthest from where I was sitting… great…) and act:
- Ma’m! Ma’m! (matching her loud voice level) In a public transportation, we don’t talk loud because they are people around us.
The woman next to her look at me and nod to my comment and as soon as I finish, I go back to close my eyes and meditate. And I hear from her:
- (in a lower voice) I didn’t talk to you! Mind your own business…
And that’s it. The whole ride was so calm I couldn’t believe it. She could have kept on going and this time I couldn’t say anything more.
After, I had to calm myself down inside before properly meditating, but it was ok.
The ride stops at Versailles and 75% of people will get out (including the two main characters and myself). The guy stands first and say a warm goodbye to everyone sitting around him (I wasn’t) but actually say:
- Enjoy your day… and your smartphones
What a shame. He had to put her down when she was already on the floor. What I found weird is that he was having this quirky smile that goes with that comment shared with everyone sitting in his block. They smiled back at him, yet he never gave me that smile or a goodbye.
It’s like people just resonate with the low instinct of engagement instead of being grateful for the silence that followed. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting anything from him, but seeing him jubilating and validate the person around him who were feeling pissed instead of the people who stayed calm makes me wonder…
Anyway, just don’t engage and fuel a useless conversation.
- I went straight to the point and repeat what she said
- I didn’t engage back
- I got into the “fight” (don’t know if it’s really good, but did it anyway) and didn’t get burn (that part is good)
For once I won’t be modest. Sure I was lucky she didn’t answer or attack the guy another time after my intervention. But I don’t think I could have done more or less. It had to be done and on top of that, the result was more than expected.